The miracle of Life

This week God is really impressing upon me that He alone is the author of life. That He alone is able to give the gift of life.

All around me there have been births, announcements of pregnancies and in some instances, the sorrow of loss. I don't know that I fully realized the miracle of life until our little Dustin was born. Every time I look at him, I am in utter amazement that he was created within my womb, hemmed and wonderfully made! Every little part of his body is part of a larger miracle--from his tiny finger nails to each hair on his head!

Being a mother has certainly surfaced my struggles with worry and anxiety. Each time my little man sneezes, I wonder if it is time for a visit to the pediatrician. Sure, I was a picture of peace during the pregnancy, even with the knowledge of Dustin's CCAM and hydronephrosis. At that time, I accepted the fact that there was nothing that I could do to alter the outcome--Dustin's conditions, Dustin's life and Dustin's birth. Dustin is 5 and 1/2 months old and my approach to motherhood is radically different than my perspective while pregnant.

This morning, I spent some time looking up passages in the Bible about life. I acknowledge that my desire to control the outcome of Dustin's life needs to be replaced with a heart that desires to do the absolute best for my son, with all of the information available to me, and leave him (resting) in God's hands. Head knowledge is one thing. Having that knowledge penetrate the heart is quite another.

One passage that I came to this morning provided particular comfort and insight, during this season in my life:

"See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." Deuteronomy 32:39

This tells me a few things:

1. I am not God.

2. Only God can provide life.

3. I am not God.

4. I can not bring life.

5. I am not God.

6. God has the power to heal.

7. I am not God.

8. I do not have the power to heal.

9. I am not God

10. God will accomplish His purpose.

11. I am not God.

12. If my plan is contrary to God's, it will fail.

I plan to read this passage each morning until the words are stamped upon my heart. Then, I hope to remember them when worry or anxiety regarding Dustin's condition crop up.

The last few weeks have been challenging for me. Dustin has had a constantly runny nose, a cough, and at times, a weak appetite. On Tuesday, I noticed that Dustin's right ribs seemed to be elevated more than the left. Upon a closer look, there is a visible bump where the ribs are raised on that side. Dustin did have a chest x-ray (his 3rd), which revealed that the ribs on the right side are more spread out than those on the left. For all we know, the ribs may have always been this way. In less than two weeks, Tim and I will be taking Dustin to Cincinnati Children's Hospital to meet with Dr. Crombleholme, who is a pediatric surgeon and has treated many neonates and infants with CCAM. We are praying that this is the path that God will use to heal our little guy!

"The Lord God formed the man from dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." Genesis 2:7